Despair

This week has been a rough week for me. It seems I have so much work to do and so little time. It also seems that no matter what I do it's not enough...for example, I have three 2-page papers due on Thursday in my Spanish class. She sent out brief instructions on Friday and I did them over the weekend because I knew I had a busy week coming up. Well, yesterday (Tuesday) in class, she "altered" the instructions in class and basically I will need to rewrite the essays. Why can't she just send out the correct instructions the first time?????????...because she wants to make my life awful, of course! (maybe that is a slight exaggeration).

Anyway, I've just been feeling the pressure to get things done (school, MTW/Mexico, and with friendships). These are all good things to "get done", but the problem is I always want everyone to be happy and especially everyone to be happy with me. So, when I feel like I'm failing in an area I start to feel, well, like a failure.

I think often my feelings of despair come from the Devil in the act of Spiritual Warefare. Satan doesn't want God to have control over my life, so as I have the Destino Retreat coming up this weekend and as I pursue missions in Mexico, Satan wants me to feel despair; he does not want either of these things to be successful because they are God's plans.

Thankfully, although I go through these battles, the war has been won. The song "Before the Throne of God Above", written by Charitie Bancroft in 1863, has a verse that sums-up well
these notions of despair and the redemption provided by God in return.




"When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me."